Celebrating the holidays with a narcissist can be a challenging experience, as their need for attention and control often disrupts the festive atmosphere. The expectation-driven nature of holidays can exacerbate the difficulty, as narcissists tend to assert their desires and dominate the celebrations.
According to experts like Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author, dealing with narcissists during the holidays becomes especially taxing due to the disruption in routines that typically accompany the season. The time off from work and school eliminates the usual escapes people have from narcissistic relatives. This, coupled with dashed expectations, can result in feelings of sadness and disappointment.
Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author, highlights that narcissists consistently ruin holidays by creating unnecessary drama or acting sullen when they are not the center of attention. Their lack of empathy can be particularly hurtful during a season that may be challenging for many, such as those mourning loved ones.
Dealing with a narcissist during birthdays is no different. Their perpetual dissatisfaction often leads them to lash out in cruel ways, especially if they feel their birthday is not being respected or they did not receive the attention and gifts they expected. Additionally, narcissists may hijack other people’s birthdays to make it about themselves, seeking attention and validation.
If you find yourself having to spend holidays or birthdays with a narcissist, experts offer several coping strategies:
- Accept they’ll probably hate your gift: Narcissists often live in a fantasy where people should be able to read their minds. Their fussiness and perpetual dissatisfaction can make it challenging to please them with gifts.
- Limit the time you spend with them: Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with narcissists. Clearly communicate how much time you can spend with them, and don’t be afraid to enforce these boundaries.
- Find the people you enjoy being around: Focus on spending time with loved ones who bring joy and positivity to your celebrations. This can help mitigate the negative impact of the narcissistic family member.
- Set realistic expectations: Accept that holidays with a narcissistic family member may not go perfectly. Manage your expectations and practice radical acceptance to avoid unnecessary disappointment.
- Make time for yourself: Plan activities that bring you happiness and allow you to escape the narcissist’s orbit. Whether it’s lunch with a friend, a massage, or a peaceful walk in the park, prioritize self-care during the celebrations.
Navigating holidays and birthdays with a narcissist requires a combination of setting boundaries, managing expectations, and prioritizing your well-being. By implementing these strategies, you can minimize the negative impact and make the most of the festive season.